


Shrek/Bowie: David Bowie wakes up in a parallel Universe.

by shrek



Category: David Bowie (Musician), Shrek Series
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, Parallel Universe, berenstain bears, berenstein bears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-18
Updated: 2014-09-18
Packaged: 2018-02-17 21:22:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2323625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shrek/pseuds/shrek
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>David Bowie mysteriously wakes up in a parallel universe where Shrek is just a movie character and Mick Jagger is his lover.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shrek/Bowie: David Bowie wakes up in a parallel Universe.

David Bowie woke up to the sound of "I LIKE LITTLE BUTTS" blaring on the radio. David furrowed his brow in confusion, but figured the song must be some Weird Al parody or something and turned off the radio alarm. He got out of bed, dragged a comb across his head, and went to make some coffee. As he waited for the coffee to brew, he went to find something to do. He grabbed a Berenstain Bears book off a shelf and pondered the cover for a while. "That's funny," he wondered aloud, "I could have sworn it was _Berenst **e** in Bears_."

The coffee was finished, and David put down the book. "SHREK!" he called out, "Shrek, darling, would you like some coffee? I'll add extra onion powder. Shrekky?" He got no reply. _"That darn Shrek, always ogresleeping."_ David thought to himself as he smiled and poured himself some coffee. David heard someone coming down the stairs and wondered why Shrek's footsteps sounded so light. 

"What ya callin' me Shrek for?" Mick Jagger said before he slapped David's ass. Mick started pouring himself some coffee. David just stared aghast at the man. 

"Where's Shrek?" David demanded.

Mick giggled. "What ya talkin' about, love? Oh, I get it." Mick Jagger sat his coffee mug down and went to get something. He came back within moments and put a Shrek VHS into the vcr/tv combo that was on top of the fridge. 

David frowned at the obsolete technology. "VHS, really? Where's the DVD or blu-ray copy of this? And where's my Shrek? Is this for some kind of surprise party? Because I don't like surprises." 

Mick smiled and kissed David. "And what in the bloody 'ell is a Dee Vee Dee? David I think you oughtta stop it with the drugs, luv." 

David backed away from Mick, offended, and left the room. He had to figure out what was going on. 

 _"Some BODY ONCE TOLD ME THE WORLD IS GONNA ROLL ME"_ David heard in the distance. But something was off about it. It almost sounded like Shrek was singing instead of Smash Mouth, the band David had always wished he'd been a part of. He went back into the kitchen to investigate. Maybe this was all a prank Shrek was pulling on him. A very unfunny prank. 

To David's surprise, Shrek was nowhere in sight. He looked at the TV, and instead of the shrexy mud bath opening scene with Smash Mouth's "All Star", it was Shrek in a tuxedo singing "All Star". In this version of Shrek, the movie apparently started out with Shrek getting ready to go to Lord Farquaad's castle to receive a great quest. David screamed and ran out of the house.

 _"Berenstain Bears, VHS/No DVDs, different movie plot, no Shrek.. I must be in some kind of awful parallel universe!"_ A distressed David Bowie thought to himself. He went back in the house to search for some kind of portal. 

"Alright, retracing my steps. What was the first thing I did?" David went back to the coffee machine to investigate. 

"WHO'S READY FOR AN OGRE SURPRISE?!" Mick Jagger, wearing a Shrek costume and donning a fake Ogre Accent shouted as he sneaked up behind David Bowie. 

David Bowie screamed so hard he passed out. When he awoke, he was in a hospital bed. He looked over to see Shrek.

He thought he must be dreaming! But he was still relieved. "What happened?!" he asked.

Shrek grabbed David's delicate hand with his huge, green, rough ogre hands. "It's alright, David, it's all ogre now." he cooed.

"Oh, Shrek, I was so scared! There was this parallel universe and..." Shrek cut him off. 

"He's delirious. He's not makin' any sense!" Shrek told the Doctor and then chomped on a raw onion. 

The Doctor went over to David and explained "You're alright now. You suffered from a high amount of rectal bleeding, but miraculously, you survived. You passed out, but everything will be okay. You just have to be careful about what you stick up your a-"

David cut him off. "Right, I get it." _No one believed him about the parallel universe. Perhaps he had been dreaming all along._  He went home and called a friend. "Let me ask you something," he said into the phone, "Is it BerenSTEIN Bears or BerenSTAIN Bears?" The friend told him Berenstein. David sighed in relief. 

"Wait," the friend said at the last moment, "I just found an old book I had. It's actually BerenSTAIN. Sorry, Dave."

And in that moment, David was terrified. Who knew one little stain could be such a big deal. In any case, he was just glad to have his Shrek back. 


End file.
